The "I Can't Believe This Isn't Real Pie" Keto Meat Pie
I’m sitting here at 11:30 PM with a plate of this on my lap, and honestly? My kitchen is a disaster zone. There’s almond flour on the floor and I think I stained my favorite tea towel with beef juices, but I don't even care. This pie is the only thing making sense right now. It’s heavy, it’s cheesy, and it actually feels like a meal, not just another "let’s pretend this lettuce wrap is a taco" situation.
Look, if you’re tired of eating grilled chicken and feeling like a sad Victorian orphan, you need this. It’s a 20-minute prep situation that tastes like you spent all Sunday hovering over a stove, and the crust actually has a structural integrity that defies logic.
Why It’s Keto
We’re looking at about 6g net carbs for a massive slice. It’s basically just fat and protein held together by sheer willpower and a lot of mozzarella. It hits that biological "I am full now" button immediately.
Why I Made This
I was scrolling through old photos and saw a picture of a pot pie I had in London three years ago. I got so hit with carb-envy I almost cried. I didn’t want a salad. I wanted something that felt like a hug from the inside. I messed this up twice—once making it too dry and once making the crust so soggy it was basically soup—but this version? This version is the one.
What You’ll Need (and how to swap stuff when you’re lazy)
Ground Beef: I use 80/20 because fat is flavor, obviously.
Almond Flour: This is the base. Don't use coconut flour here or it’ll taste like a tropical meat cupcake. Gross.
Xanthan Gum: Just a pinch. It’s the "glue." If you don't have it, the crust will be crumbly, but you'll survive.
Heavy Cream & Cream Cheese: Because we aren't doing this halfway.
Substitutions for your specific chaos:
Dairy-Free: Use NutraMilk or full-fat coconut milk (the canned stuff) and swap the butter for ghee or avocado oil. It won't be as "sharp," but it works.
Nut-Free: You can use sunflower seed flour 1:1 for the almond flour, but be warned: sometimes it reacts with the leavening agents and turns slightly green. It’s safe to eat, just... visually alarming.
Budget Hack: Swap half the beef for sautéed mushrooms. It bulks it up and saves a few dollars.
Serving Suggestions
I usually just eat this out of the pan like a gremlin, but if you're feeling fancy:
Cauliflower Mash: To soak up the gravy.
A very acidic side salad: You need vinegar to cut through all this richness, trust me.
The Instructions (Don't overthink it)
Brown the meat. Throw the beef in a skillet with some onions and garlic. If you’re lazy, use garlic powder. I won’t tell anyone. Drain the grease unless you want a literal oil slick.
Make the "Gravy." Stir in a splash of beef broth and a dollop of cream cheese. Let it melt until it looks luscious.
The Crust. Mix your almond flour, an egg, melted butter, and that pinch of xanthan gum. Press it between two sheets of parchment paper. If it sticks to your hands, get them wet with water first.
Assemble. Put the meat in a pie dish (or a cast iron skillet if you want to look cool), drape the dough over the top, and poke some holes so it doesn't explode.
Bake. 200°C (around 400°F) for about 15-20 minutes. Just watch for the edges to turn that "I’m delicious" golden brown.
Pro-tip from my failures: Don't put the crust on if the meat filling is boiling hot. It’ll melt the butter in the dough before it bakes and you’ll get a greasy mess. Let the meat cool for five minutes. Breathe. Have a glass of water.
The Hard Numbers (Per Serving)
Serves 6
Calories: 445
Total Carbs: 9g
Net Carbs: 6g
Fat: 36g
Protein: 24g
Storage & The "Next Day" Factor
Fridge: Lasts 3-4 days. It actually tastes better on day two when the flavors have finished their little meeting.
Freezer: You can freeze the whole pie (unbaked) for a month. Just bake it from frozen and add 15 minutes.
Reheating: Use the oven or an air fryer. The microwave makes the crust sad and floppy. Nobody wants a sad, floppy pie.
FAQs
"Can I use chicken?" Sure, but use thighs. Breasts get too dry and then you're just eating sadness.
"My crust broke!" It’s fine. Just patch it with your fingers. It’s a "rustic" meat pie now. That's what we call it when we mess up but want it to sound intentional.
Anyway, the dog is watching me because I dropped some cheese, and I should probably go wash that pan before the grease hardens into cement. Hope your kitchen is cleaner than mine is tonight.
Let me know if you decide to make this or if you figured out a better way to get the crust done—I’m always experimenting with it. Would you like me to look up a keto-friendly dessert to pair with this, or perhaps a better side dish than my lazy salad?
Posts
